


Where Is My Mind (Leta Chapters)

by BeaSox



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Harry Potter - Freeform, Movie 1: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Newt scamnder, lonely, newtina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 14:48:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12460014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeaSox/pseuds/BeaSox
Summary: Newt grapples with the loneliness of his past and tries to cope with newfound struggles.(Chapters taken from one of my works Where Is My Mind).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The chapters of Where Is My Mind that involve Leta that can stand alone.
> 
> Full Work- Where Is My Mind

At Hogwarts, Newt hadn't had an interest in any other class besides Care of Magical Creatures. Frankly, he wasn't good at any other class besides it. He didn't have many friends, and in the first weeks of school he would cry himself to sleep until he told himself that he didn't need them anyway.

In Care of Magical Creatures his peers would call him a kiss up,in his other classes they would harass him for being incompetent. He felt like no matter how hard he tried, he would be one step behind eveyone else and that he wasn't good enough. 

And after a while, he started believing them. He hated his freckles, and wished there was a way to hide them. He stopped looking in the mirror; afraid to see the face he hated so.

His only friend was the fierce Slytherin girl, Leta Lestrange. She seemed like a gift at the time, the only light in his horribly dark life.

He instantly fell for her, and she was all he could think about. 

On their third year, they were studying late at night. He was staring at her, admiring her silky hair and soft almond eyes.

"Earth to Newt. What did you get for number three?" She looked up at him, tapping her quil against her parchment impatiently. 

"I...I j-just.." 

He leaned in, pressing his lips against hers. She didn't draw back, to his relief and instead returned the kiss.

He felt like they had formed a bond, and hoped that she felt the same way. Nothing progressed romantically from that point on, but they seemed to be growing closer; the school year nearly over. 

After The Incident led to Newt being expelled, he had to face his father's wrath. He would yell constantly, calling him a worthless failure bringing shame to the familys' name. His own mother shunned him, not once telling his father to stop the verbal abuse.

After a while, he stopped yelling. He didn't look him in the eye. Or talk to him. The isolation was just too much; and he felt a void growing inside of him.

Worthless.  
A failure.  
Should have never been born.

The words swirled inside of his head, until he didn't know what to do anymore. 

He'd heard of a small market down town, and decided to sneak out with the small amount of currency that he had saved up from past allowances. 

The market was crowded, he was never fond of crowds. People haggled for produce and he pushed his way through to a less crowded booth. 

He spotted a slightly worn leather case on the booths' table. 

"Oh? You're instrested in that, young man? It's a quite peculiar case, if you're into that."

"I prefer peculiar."

"Alright!" The man grinned with pearly white teeth placed under a well groomed mustache. He explained the contents of how many square inches of terrain was inside of it.

"This..this could hold creatures?"

"I suppose."

"I'll take it, please. How much?"

"15097 shillings."

"Merlin, that m-much?"

"Do you not have enough, son?"

"N-No I.. sorry I wasted your time, sir."

"No need to fret, young man. I've been lookin' for someone to help me out while the market's bustling. You can work off your debt."

"Really?" His eyes sparkled, and the man laughed a booming, husky laugh.

Newt snuck out to work for over three months, until he had enough to buy the prized case. He hid it under his bed, and was slightly giddy at the idea of having a secret. A secret that made him happy. He still went to work, feeling guilty to leave him immediately  after he bought the case.

He bought spices and brewed potions inside of his wooden shed, readying for when he could finally fill it with magnificent beasts. 

He had been working later than expected one night, an angry customer stirring up trouble with him for trying to supposedly scam him. He crept back into his house, half past midnight.

He creaked open his bedroom door, and found his father sitting on his bed, the leather case on his lap.

"F-Father--"

He would never forget the sound of his voice that night. It was filled with pure hatred, chilling his bones.

"You will follow our rules in this household! You hear me?"

"I-I'm sorry---"

"No sorries! I want you to quit that job you have, you hear me? I'm getting rid of this damn case, too."

"No! Father, please hear me out! I need that ca--"

His father slapped him. It wasn't the first time that he'd raised his hand to him, but this time stung worse. He'd beaten him that night, until he couldn't feel anything anymore.

He cowered in the corner on the marble floor of the long hallway, watching as his mother walked passed.

"Mommy..." he whispered.

"No. You knew the rules." Her voice showed no remorse.

He lay, numb and bruised and brought his knees up to his face until he made himself as small as possible. She disappeared into his parents' bedroom, slamming the door.

"Mommy...."

~ 

Leta had showed up at his windowsill af few afternoons later.

She seemed as carefree as ever, and they talked about nothing at all, and it made him feel safe to have someone to depend on again. They swapped stories and sketches each morning over the summer.

"This is good." She set down a stack of parchment that he'd used to document the characteristics of creatures off memory.  
"I don't see why you doubt yourself or why you have self esteem issues."

"I-I don't have s-self esteem issues."

He felt his hands start shaking as she left her perch from his desk chair to sit by him on the bed.

She lifted up his sleeve, revealing self inflicted vertical cuts on his pale skin. "You should stop doing this."

He snatched his arm back, sliding down his sleeve. He hated how he couldn't hide his pain as good as he thought he did, secretly hating her for being nonchalant about it. 

"It dosen't matter. My parents wish I was dead."

"Whatever. But I'm serious. You shouldn't hurt yourself."

He looked into her eyes, searching for sincerity that he found to his surprise.  
Leta never seemed to be sincere about anything that didn't benefit her own self, making others feel better in ways that involved personal gain was her favorite.

"I'll try."

~

Their friendship was the only thing keeping him going, but eventually she stopped coming as often. He confronted her, and she brushed it off.

"Honestly, I have better things to do than be cooped up with you in this stuffy room, Newt."

These words stabbed him in the heart, but that didn't stop his heart from beating fast whenever she was close by.

Late one night, he heard pinging against his window, and bolted upward.

"What the hell, my parents are going to see you! Are you crazy?"

Leta was wearing all black, standing on her tippy toes. She dropped her a handful of pebbles, and whisper-yelled,

"Shut up, you wimp! I need a favor."

"Favor?"

"Yeah, help me up!"

"O-Okay."

He helped her crawl into his window, closing it quietly after her.

"I need money."

"W-Why are you in trouble because---"

"No, I'm not, Newt."

"Leta, why don't you just tell me what's going on? Running away dosen't solve anything---"

She kissed him, and he stood still, in shock. 

"I-I---"

"Well, hurry up! I'm kind of in a hurry."

"R-Right..." he found the measly amount of currency he had left from his market job. He handed it to her, and she wheeled around to slip out of his window.

He watched her make her way down, and dash into the night, off the Scamander property.

"Leta, wait!" He jumped down, racing after her. The dew on the plush grass whipped against his ankles, and sent chills down his spine.

"Oh, what is it now! I told you I have to go---"

"I love you."

She stopped, the two now only a few feet apart.

"Newt, I know. But I have a life besides you, I have to go." She turned, and disappeared from his sight.

"L-Leta...please don't l-leave me..." he whispered.

He dropped to his knees, the dew soaking through his thin pajama pants. "Don't leave me, p-please...I need you so much right now..I don't have anybody."


	2. I Know Pain We Used to Be Friends

"What makes you sure  
You're all I need?  
Forget about it.  
When you walk out the door and Leave me torn  
You're teaching me to   
Live without it"

~

Newt lay in bed for weeks, refusing to eat. He would accept the food, mumbling a "thanks" before throwing it out.

"Mommy, what's wrong with Newt?" His younger sister, Daisy squeaked. 

He had dragged himself out of his room to do the dishes, waving his wand with a heavy arm.

"What do you mean?" His mother sighed lazily. It seemed like she couldn't care less about his well being.

"He's got gauze on his arms. What happened, did you fall? I fell this morning. I scraped my knee." She rambled.

"Yeah. Leave me alone, go play or something," he snapped, turning back to the dishes.

"Don't talk to your sister like that, Newton. Now let me see your arm, you probably didn't clean your scrape right. It'll get infected."

"No, it's fine. I cleaned it."

"I swear, if you've been doing damgerous things you've snuck into this household again----" 

"I'm not, Mum. Promise."

"Alright."

He'd promised Leta that he'd try to stop punishing himself, but her leaving made him want to give up more.

Daisy sneaked into his room one night, after hearing his weeping. She found him with the covers over his head.

"Newt?"

"Go away."

"What's wrong?"

She lay beside him on the bed, and rolled closer. "Why are you so sad?"

"None of your business. You just wouldn't understand."

"That's not true!"

He took a deep breatb, keeping the covers over his head.

"I just...I want to die. So badly. I can't take all of this much longer...I feel so alone," it came out in a whisper, and she leaned in to hear him better.

"I deserve everything I get. I can't do anything right. If I jumped into the river no one would even notice."

He was calm, and it scared him. He expected to be shocked by the thought of ending his life, but he wasn't.

\------------------------------------------------------------

A month later he'd gotten his life together piece by piece and stopped harming himself, the thoughts still lingering in his mind.

He had been reading in the night, the crisp wind flowing from his window. 

"Hey, Newton." A voice came from a hooded figure scrambling through the window.

"Merlin. You came back."

Leta slid off the velvet black hood, dropping her bag to the ground.   
"I did."

"Where have you been I h-haven't heard from you..."

"I know. I was in trouble, now I'm not."

"W-What kind of troubl--"

She tilted her head upwards, kissing him. The kiss sent warmth through his cold body and he closed his eyes, savoring the moment.

"Shh. No more questions," she whispered.  
He nodded. "O-Okay."

~

He awoke to her rifling through his sock drawer, moving to his wooden wardrobe.

"What are you looking for?" He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, blushing furiously as the memories from the night before flooded in.

"I need you to find that case your dad took. It's worth a lot."

"O-Okay. But why do you need the money?"

"I just need it. No time to chitchat, Newton. Go get it."

"Leta, if my father finds out--"

"He won't."

"Okay," he crept down the hall, sneaking into his parents' bedroom. They were out on their Sunday afternoon walk, and wouldn't be back for another half hour.

He dug through their large wardrobe, pushing past coats until he found the leather case. He took a moment to admire its beauty, the case he hadn't seen for so long. He shut the closet, returning to his room with the case.

"Here," he gave it to her and without as much as a thanks, she slid on her black hooded coat and readied herself to spring out his window.

"Wait! You're leaving? You can't s-stay?"

"Yes, and no I can't. I'm busy. I've got to sell this junk while the market's still up."

"You can't disappear again..."

She pulled up her hood, sighing.

"Look, I needed your case. I got it. Goodbye, Newton." She opened the window, and hoisted herself down.

Rejection stung him, and the bitterness of being used hurt. The closeness and the human contact made him feel more alive than he'd felt in a while. But now he knew that it was all a lie. 

He couldn't trust anyone, not even himself.


End file.
